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Process of being an adult | Independent Serene #adulting

Friday, April 7, 2017

Okay, I am 21 years old. I have a big dream and I am pursuing this dream for long. However, there has been not a sharp successful result so far, I have to admit. However, if you know me really well, I have been doing it very well. And I mean... nothing is built up in one day! Am I right? 

I don't work...

I am living in Montreal and my parents are living in Korea. Since I study, my parents financially support me. However, I feel so guilty whenever I get the money from them. Regardless of my feelings, I have to ask them because I need some money. I really appreciate that I have 'SUPPORTIVE' parents. Because it's not the thing everyone gets. Some parents cannot support their kids because of their poor financial condition. Or some kids cannot get the support from their parents because of their family problem. I am very lucky for sure. However, I am not the happiest. Because whenever they send me the money, they make me feel like I am extorting their money. They always sigh, they always say 'Ugh what are you doing there?*' 'Till when should I support you?' 'We have enough money for ourselves but you are stealing our money'. This occurs a deficient communication with the family. (TBH, I am scared to tell them what I want for the future, what I want to do now, and of course, what I am doing now. Because I know what they are going to react, say and how they are going to act. Don't get me wrong, I have always put so much effort to make our family relationship better by making a group chat, group Pinterest board, sharing a moment of my life and so on. And results? me making clamor and them keeping silent. They don't listen to me. nor do they reply back or whatever.)

*I will write about my life in Montreal on my next post.

They Support Me Financially, But Not Emotionally.

That made me feel like 'It is now time to get out of this family.' I know it sounds really aggressive and like I hate my family a lot. But no, I do love my mom, dad, and my brother. I am just not free with them. The way I think and the way they think are so different. I am the one who always wants to learn from others and go forward. But they are the ones who are just comfortable enough at where they are now. It indeed drives me crazy when I talk to them especially about my dream. They think I have done nothing. They think I am doing wrong. I think I am all right. I think I can improve myself to reach the point where I have always wanted to be at. I want to be a powerful and impactful woman.

To do that, I needed to leave the group and D.I.Y

I can't do whatever I want if I am involving in this group and supported by the group. I mean, the group of the family members. Real D.I.Y for my life has begun.  I am going to be a real adult. ha! 

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